relationships Relationships What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like? LEARN MORE recognize 50 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships LEARN MORE 10 SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP comfortable pace You and your partner allow the relationship to happen at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you. Often times when you begin dating someone, you may feel that you’re spending all of your time with them because you want to – that is great! But be sure that nothing feels imbalanced or rushed in the relationship. In a healthy relationship, nobody pressures the other to have sex, make the relationship exclusive, move in together, meet their family and friends, get married, or have a baby. When you do choose to take these steps, you both feel happy and excited about it—no mixed feelings. trust Believing your partner won’t do anything to hurt you or ruin the relationship. Examples are when your partner is comfortable when you do things without them, has faith that you won’t cheat on them, respects your privacy online (like who you text and Snapchat), and doesn’t make you go out of your way or work hard to “earn” their trust. honesty Being truthful and open with your partner. It’s important to be able to talk together about what you both want. In a healthy relationship, you can talk to your partner without fearing how they’ll respond or if you’ll be judged. They may not like what you have to say, but a healthy partner will respond to disappointing news in a considerate way. Some examples are having good communication about what you both want and expect and never feeling like you have to hide who you talk to or hang with from your partner. equality You and your partner have the same say and put equal effort into the relationship (instead of feeling like one person has more say than the other). Examples are feeling like you are heard in your relationship or feeling comfortable speaking up, making decisions together as opposed to one person calling all the shots, and equally compromising on decisions in your relationship that make the other person feel important or respected. compassion Feeling a sense of care and concern from your partner and knowing that they will be there to support you, too. If you’re in a healthy relationship, your partner will be kind to you, they will understand and be supportive of you when you’re going through tough times, and they will lend a helping hand in times of need. An important caveat is that it has to be two-sided and displayed equally. taking responsibility You and your partner are both responsible for your own actions and words. You both avoid putting blame on each other and own up to your actions when you do something wrong. Examples are when your partner genuinely apologizes for their mistakes, they avoid taking things out on you when they’re upset, and they try to make positive changes to better your relationship. independence Having space and freedom in your relationship to do you. Examples are when your partner supports you having friends and a life outside of your relationship and not needing to be attached at the hip or know every little detail about your life. respect If respect is present in your relationship, your partner will value your beliefs, opinions and who you are as a person. Examples are complimenting you, supporting your hard work and dreams, not trying to push or overstep your boundaries, and sticking up for you. loyalty When your partner is reliable and you feel confident that they have your back. Some examples are when your partner is respectful and faithful, sticks up for you, doesn’t take sides against you but helps you see the middle ground, and keeps your secrets safe. In a healthy relationship, you don’t have to test the other person’s loyalty, because you just know it’s there. Sometimes people say “we all make mistakes” and “nobody’s perfect” to make excuses for disloyalty. If you find yourself saying that more than once, it’s a red flag that the relationship may not be healthy. communication If you can talk to your partner about anything—the good and the bad—this is a sign of a healthy relationship. Examples are when you feel like your partner will listen to you when you need to talk and that they are open to discussing further and when you don’t feel judged for your words or opinions. when to seek help Could You Be In An Abusive Relationship? Take The Quiz To Find Out More... Abusive Relationships Relationships that are not healthy are based on power and control, not equality and respect. In the early stages of an abusive relationship, you may not think the unhealthy behaviors are a big deal. However, possessiveness, insults, jealous accusations, yelling, humiliation, pulling hair, pushing or other abusive behaviors, are — at their root — exertions of power and control. Remember that abuse is always a choice and you deserve to be respected. There is no excuse for abuse of any kind. LEARN MORE HElp A friend If your friend or family member is undergoing the serious and painful effects of dating abuse, they may have a very different point of view than you. They may have heard the abuse was their fault and feel responsible. Even after realizing that there’s abuse, they may choose to stay in the relationship. As a friend, try to be there for them because although they may not show it, they need you more than ever. LEARN MORE If you or someone you know is in an Abusive relationship, there is help available. Get Started Here. THE SAFE PROJECT The SAFE Project provides emergency services and advocacy to survivors of domestic and sexual violence. *24-Hour Crisis Line *Emergency Shelter *Crisis Response Team *Assistance to clients who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual assault Call NOW

2d351569-96a5-4da2-a11f-498cbe873800 < Back Lilith Clinic When no one else would, or could, give women choice, we did. And now, more than 40 years later, we continue to help women – and men – make the best possible choices for their futures. Previous Next

GONORRHEA TESTIMONIALS Condoms do a good job of helping to prevent gonorrhea transmission. But they’re not 100%, and that’s because of how gonorrhea is spread. A gonorrhea infection is caused by the bacteria N. gonorrhoeae, which can infect the mucous surfaces of the urethra (in the penis), rectum (butt), cervix (connection between the vagina and uterus), and throat. Gonorrhea is spread by coming into contact with an infected body part. That means you can transmit gonorrhea even if there’s no semen or blood exchanged during sex. If you have gonorrhea in your penis and you touch your penis and then finger your partner’s butt, you can give your partner gonorrhea in in their butt, for instance. I’ve seen people who say, “I’m a top! How did I get gonorrhea in my butt?” Maybe their partner put their fingers in their butt, or they shared a sex toy. You can get a rectal gonorrhea infection even if you don’t bottom. The infection can even spread from your penis to your butt because they are so close to each other. You can get or give gonorrhea through mutual masturbation. There are a lot of ways it can spread. 30-39 previous nEXT

GONORRHEA TESTIMONIALS I’m an odd case and I’ve learned to be okay with it. I grew up in the church and I followed the rules almost to a T. No drugs, no sex, no nothing. By the age of 25 I had fooled around with some girls, and had a girlfriend of two years that I never had intercourse with. I was dedicated to college and the church, but that didn’t necessarily translate into success in bed. After building up confidence and learning how to date outside the church it became easier and easier. I hooked up with a girl a couple months ago and finally lost my actual virginity at the age of 27, and while the sex wasn’t great we made the right choice and used a condom both times. My second partner was someone I’d already known for months, worked in healthcare, and seemed to be very up on her medical stuff. We got caught up in the heat of the moment, I had run out of condoms because I was too embarrassed to buy more at my neighborhood store, and before we knew it we were having a lot of unprotected sex. The funny thing was that she asked me if I’d been tested for STIs, not knowing I wasn’t very sexually active. Things didn’t work out between us and within a week I started to notice something wrong and got tested. Even if you trust the person you’re having sex with, even if it’s someone that works in healthcare, and even if you think the odds are in your favor, it’s always best to protect yourself from STIs. Always use a condom – there are various ways to prevent kids but not all of them prevent STIs. STIs can hurt a lot, and waiting for the results to come back are going to be some of the longest days of your life. Anyone can get or have an STI. You may hear all kinds of stories of people winging it, but this is some fire you don’t want to play with. 20-29 previous nEXT

What Does Sex Positive Mean? “Sex positive” As its name implies, sex positivity is based on the belief that sex isn’t something that we should be embarrassed about. People who believe in being sex positive have a positive attitude regarding sex and respect other people’s sexual preferences. Sex positivity is also about feeling comfortable with your own sexual identity. Sex was a taboo subject for thousands of years and still is in many cultures. However, in recent years, a large portion of society has come to accept sex and sexual desire as a normal part of human life. One definition of sex-positivity states that it is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation. That said, as long as all parties consent to sexual activity and enjoy it, there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to having sex. These are several examples of sex-positive behaviors: Being open to discuss your sexual preferences and dislikes with your sexual partner Understanding and being comfortable with the fact that your partner might not want to have sex every time you do. Getting tested for sexually transmitted infections whenever needed Practicing safe sex, using condoms and other methods of birth control to protect yourself and your partner. Being accepting of other people’s consensual sexual practices, even if they differ from your own Learning more about our own bodies, how they work, how to keep them safe during sex, and what provides sexual pleasure. Discovering what gives you pleasure and being open to trying new things. Developing communication skills that ensure that both you and your partner are getting what you desire from sex. Advocating for comprehensive sex education so that everyone knows how to have safe sex, what consent means, and that having sex is a natural part of life. What is the sex-positive movement? The sex-positive movement encompasses all individuals who believe in sex positivity. The sex-positive movement focuses on emphasizing safe and consensual sexual activities, regardless of what the activity is. Each person’s preferences are regarded as their own personal choice, without judgment. Sex education is another key factor in the sex-positive movement. Every individual needs to receive a comprehensive sex education to be able to explore sex safely. Providing sex and reproductive education is also a way to decrease the taboos that still surround sex in certain cultures and areas. The opposite of sex positivity is, of course, sex negativity. Sex negativity is based on the belief that sex is destructive unless it’s practiced strictly within the confines of heterosexual marriage. For many years, physicians and science contributed to these sex-negative beliefs. Nowadays, however, science has discovered the many benefits of sex, and you can find doctor-approved tips to improve your sex life. Sex-positive culture The sex-positive movement has grown exponentially thanks to social media platforms and modern media. In the past, sex was a taboo topic that was perceived as shameful and embarrassing to talk about. But in recent years, sex has been recognized as a normal part of life that should be talked about and discussed openly. These positions have also helped to encourage safe sex, especially after HIV and its prevention became a part of everyday culture in the 1990s. A sex-positive culture also seeks to battle sex-related shaming. While sex negativity shames people for their sexual activities, for being victims of sexual abuse, or even for having sex for the first time outside of marriage, a sex-positive culture accepts that everyone has a right to make their own choices about their sex life. Sex-positive asexuality Sex positivity can be practiced by anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation. This includes the LGBTQI community and asexual individuals. Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction towards others and having low or no sexual desire at all. But that doesn’t mean that all asexual people feel the same way about sex. While some asexual people aren’t interested in sex at all, other asexual individuals also identify as sex-positive. That simply means that they’re accepting of other people’s sexual preferences and might be interested in learning more about them even if they’re not interested in taking part in those activities themselves. You can be asexual, avoid shaming culture, and promote a comprehensive sexual education — all parts of sex-positive culture. Sex-positive parenting Sex-positive parents seek to teach their children — especially teenagers — about safe sex and consent and to empower them to make their own decisions about their sex lives. Studies have shown that teenagers who have discussed sex openly with their parents are more likely to wait until they’re older to pursue an active sex life. They’re also more likely to approach their parents with any sex-related questions they might have. Growing up in a sex-positive household also increases the likelihood that teenagers will engage in safe sex and use condoms and birth control appropriately. Overall, sex positivity seeks to change negative perceptions about sex and empower all individuals to take control over their sex lives. As long as sexual activity is pleasurable and all parties enthusiastically consent, being sex-positive can lead to safer sex and more pleasure for everyone involved! WEBSITE

CHLAMYDIA TESTIMONIALS A few days ago, I was having problem urinating, and it was very painful whenever I went to the washroom. I even noticed a yellow and white discharge. Initially I ignored it, but with the increase in pain I thought of researching it online and it looked like I was suffering from gonorrhea. I rushed to my general physician and got it checked. These sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like chlamydia can now be detected through diagnostic testing of extra-genital specimens. Male patient, 35 Name, Title Previous Next 30 to 39

What Are STIs? Sexually transmitted infections or STIs, are very common. Millions of new infections occur every year in the United States. STIs are passed from one person to another through sexual activity including vaginal, oral, and anal sex. They can also be passed from one person to another through intimate physical contact, such as heavy petting, though this is not very common. STIs don’t always cause symptoms or may only cause mild symptoms, so it is possible to have an infection and not know it. That is why it is important to get tested if you are having sex. If you are diagnosed with an STI, know that all can be treated with medicine and some can be cured entirely. STIs are preventable. If you have sex, know how to protect yourself and your sexual partner from STIs. The diseases, conditions, and infections below are listed in alphabetical order. Bacterial Vaginosis Any woman can get bacterial vaginosis. Having bacterial vaginosis can increase your chance of getting an STI. Chlamydia Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted disease (STI) that can be easily cured. If left untreated, chlamydia can make it difficult for a woman to get pregnant. Gonorrhea Anyone who is sexually active can get gonorrhea. Gonorrhea can cause very serious complications when not treated, but can be cured with the right medication. Hepatitis Viral hepatitis is the leading cause of liver cancer and the most common reason for liver transplantation. Herpes Genital herpes is a common STI, and most people with genital herpes infection do not know they have it. HIV/AIDS & STIs People who have STIs are more likely to get HIV, when compared to people who do not have STIs. Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Infection Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the United States. Some health effects caused by HPV can be prevented with vaccines. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) can lead to serious consequences including infertility. STIs & Infertility Chlamydia and gonorrhea are preventable causes of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and infertility. STIs during Pregnancy For a healthier baby, ask your doctor about STI testing. Syphilis Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease (STI) that can have very serious complications when left untreated, but it is simple to cure with the right treatment. Trichomoniasis Most people who have trichomoniasis do not have any symptoms. Other STIs Chancroid, scabies, and more. Local Clinics

Sex, Gender And Gender Identity What are the differences between sex, gender, and gender identity? It’s common for people to confuse sex, gender, and gender identity. But they’re actually all different things. Sex is a label — male or female — that you’re assigned by a doctor at birth based on the genitals you’re born with and the chromosomes you have. It goes on your birth certificate. Gender is much more complex: It’s a social and legal status, and set of expectations from society, about behaviors, characteristics, and thoughts. Each culture has standards about the way that people should behave based on their gender. This is also generally male or female. But instead of being about body parts, it’s more about how you’re expected to act, because of your sex. Gender identity is how you feel inside and how you express your gender through clothing, behavior, and personal appearance. It’s a feeling that begins very early in life. What’s assigned sex (aka “biological sex”)? Assigned sex is a label that you’re given at birth based on medical factors, including your hormones, chromosomes, and genitals. Most people are assigned male or female, and this is what’s put on their birth certificates. When someone’s sexual and reproductive anatomy doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male, they may be described as intersex. Some people call the sex we’re assigned at birth “biological sex.” But this term doesn’t fully capture the complex biological, anatomical, and chromosomal variations that can occur. Having only two options (biological male or biological female) might not describe what’s going on inside a person’s body. Instead of saying “biological sex,” some people use the phrase “assigned male at birth” or “assigned female at birth.” This acknowledges that someone (often a doctor) is making a decision for someone else. The assignment of a biological sex may or may not align with what’s going on with a person’s body, how they feel, or how they identify. The factors that determine our assigned sex begin as early as fertilization. Each sperm has either an X or a Y chromosome in it. All eggs have an X chromosome. When sperm fertilizes an egg, its X or Y chromosome combines with the X chromosome of the egg. A person with XX chromosomes usually has female sex and reproductive organs, and is therefore usually assigned biologically female. A person with XY chromosomes usually has male sex and reproductive organs, and is therefore usually assigned biologically male. Other arrangements of chromosomes, hormones, and body parts can happen, which results in someone being intersex. What’s gender? Gender is much bigger and more complicated than assigned sex. Gender includes gender roles, which are expectations society and people have about behaviors, thoughts, and characteristics that go along with a person’s assigned sex. For example, ideas about how men and women are expected to behave, dress, and communicate all contribute to gender. Gender is also a social and legal status as girls and boys, men, and women. It’s easy to confuse sex and gender. Just remember that biological or assigned sex is about biology, anatomy, and chromosomes. Gender is society’s set of expectations, standards, and characteristics about how men and women are supposed to act. What’s gender identity? Your gender identity is how you feel inside and how you express those feelings. Clothing, appearance, and behaviors can all be ways to express your gender identity. Most people feel that they’re either male or female. Some people feel like a masculine female, or a feminine male. Some people feel neither male nor female. These people may choose labels such as “genderqueer,” “gender variant,” or “gender fluid.” Your feelings about your gender identity begin as early as age 2 or 3. Some people’s assigned sex and gender identity are pretty much the same, or in line with each other. These people are called cisgender. Other people feel that their assigned sex is of the other gender from their gender identity (i.e., assigned sex is female, but gender identity is male). These people are called transgender or trans. Not all transgender people share the same exact identity.

How Does COVID 19 Spread? COVID-19 is thought to spread mainly through close contact from person to person, including between people who are physically near each other (within about 6 feet). People who are infected but do not show symptoms can also spread the virus to others.

Gonorrhea Anyone who is sexually active can get gonorrhea. Gonorrhea can cause very serious complications when not treated, but can be cured with the right medication. What is gonorrhea? Gonorrhea is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) that can infect both men and women. It can cause infections in the genitals, rectum, and throat. It is a very common infection, especially among young people ages 15-24 years. How is gonorrhea spread? You can get gonorrhea by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has gonorrhea. A pregnant woman with gonorrhea can give the infection to her baby during childbirth. How can I reduce my risk of getting gonorrhea? The only way to avoid STIs is to not have vaginal, anal, or oral sex. If you are sexually active, you can do the following things to lower your chances of getting gonorrhea: Being in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and has negative STD test results; Using latex condoms the right way every time you have sex. Am I at risk for gonorrhea? Any sexually active person can get gonorrhea through unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex. If you are sexually active, have an honest and open talk with your health care provider and ask whether you should be tested for gonorrhea or other STDs. If you are a sexually active man who is gay, bisexual, or who has sex with men, you should be tested for gonorrhea every year. If you are a sexually active woman younger than 25 years or an older woman with risk factors such as new or multiple sex partners, or a sex partner who has a sexually transmitted infection, you should be tested for gonorrhea every year. I’m pregnant. How does gonorrhea affect my baby? If you are pregnant and have gonorrhea, you can give the infection to your baby during delivery. This can cause serious health problems for your baby. If you are pregnant, it is important that you talk to your health care provider so that you get the correct examination, testing, and treatment, as necessary. Treating gonorrhea as soon as possible will make health complications for your baby less likely. How do I know if I have gonorrhea? Some men with gonorrhea may have no symptoms at all. However, men who do have symptoms, may have: A burning sensation when urinating; A white, yellow, or green discharge from the penis; Painful or swollen testicles (although this is less common). Most women with gonorrhea do not have any symptoms. Even when a woman has symptoms, they are often mild and can be mistaken for a bladder or vaginal infection. Women with gonorrhea are at risk of developing serious complications from the infection, even if they don’t have any symptoms. Symptoms in women can include: Painful or burning sensation when urinating; Increased vaginal discharge; Vaginal bleeding between periods. Rectal infections may either cause no symptoms or cause symptoms in both men and women that may include: Discharge; Anal itching; Soreness; Bleeding; Painful bowel movements. I was just diagnosed. What do I do now? You should be examined by your doctor if you notice any of these symptoms or if your partner has an STI or symptoms of an STI, such as an unusual sore, a smelly discharge, burning when urinating, or bleeding between periods. How will my doctor know if I have gonorrhea? Most of the time, urine can be used to test for gonorrhea. However, if you have had oral and/or anal sex, swabs may be used to collect samples from your throat and/or rectum. In some cases, a swab may be used to collect a sample from a man’s urethra (urine canal) or a woman’s cervix (opening to the womb). Can gonorrhea be cured? Yes, gonorrhea can be cured with the right treatment. It is important that you take all of the medication your doctor prescribes to cure your infection. Medication for gonorrhea should not be shared with anyone. Although medication will stop the infection, it will not undo any permanent damage caused by the disease. Antibiotic-Resistant Gonorrhea It is becoming harder to treat some gonorrhea, as drug-resistant strains of gonorrhea are increasing. If your symptoms continue for more than a few days after receiving treatment, you should return to a health care provider to be checked again. I was treated for gonorrhea. When can I have sex again? You should wait seven days after finishing all medications before having sex. To avoid getting infected with gonorrhea again or spreading gonorrhea to your partner(s), you and your sex partner(s) should avoid having sex until you have each completed treatment. If you’ve had gonorrhea and took medicine in the past, you can still get infected again if you have unprotected sex with a person who has gonorrhea. What happens if I don’t get treated? Untreated gonorrhea can cause serious and permanent health problems in both women and men. In women, untreated gonorrhea can cause pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). Some of the complications of PID are Formation of scar tissue that blocks fallopian tubes; Ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside the womb; Infertility (inability to get pregnant); Long-term pelvic/abdominal pain. In men, gonorrhea can cause a painful condition in the tubes attached to the testicles. In rare cases, this may cause a man to be sterile, or prevent him from being able to father a child. Rarely, untreated gonorrhea can also spread to your blood or joints. This condition can be life-threatening. Untreated gonorrhea may also increase your chances of getting or giving HIV – the virus that causes AIDS. < Previous Next >

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LGBTQ+ LOCAL RESOURCES It Gets Better Coming Out BE SAFE, BE YOU. COMING OUT IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION AND ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT AND SAFE. Advice It Gets Better COMING OUT MORE LGBTQ+ LOCAL RESOURCES MORE RESOURCES Sexual Orientation Gender Identity How To Deal With Bullies Outercourse and Maturbation More Resources For LBGTQIA+